How God Cured my Anxiety
By Cassie Rodriguez
Never in my life did I think I’d be able to say I’m interning with the firm planning the Grammy Awards. Never in my life did I think I’d get to move to NYC for a semester for college credit, and never did I think I’d become such a follower of God.
If you had asked me a year and a half ago if I’d be a rosary-bearing, cross-wearing, newly Baptized Catholic, I’d laugh in your face. Loudly. Coming from a non-religious family and having never been to church, converting at age 20 is just an odd occurrence.
If you told me that I’d have my last year of school completely paid off *and* still be able to come up with the funding to go to NYC, I’d probably cry. Because it’s still so incredibly insane to me that this is happening.
All in all, I worked tirelessly for the past three years racking up scholarship money, spending my income tax on summer school, doing the best I can in my classes and working multiple jobs while going to school full-time for this to be possible. From starting off in a completely different major (music school dropout) to being able to have room to take a semester ‘abroad’, I can testify that absolutely amazing things happen when you let go of anxiety, trust in God and quite literally let Jesus take the wheel.
I don’t say this because only good things have happened to me, because that is definitely not the case. In fact, it’s just the opposite.
I’ve had my fair share of roommate nightmares, academic struggles, money shortages, trust issues and anxiety attacks since choosing to believe. I’ve had to fear not affording to finish school and I’ve had gradual revelations of who truly cares for me and who doesn’t when things get difficult. I started taking RCIA (adult conversion classes) exactly a year ago, and since then life has been a roller coaster that will not slow down.
Through the good and the bad, I trusted God. When I was being harassed and verbally abused by ex-roommates, I trusted God. When I didn’t know if I was good enough for the New York program, I trusted God. When I was struggling financially, I put all of my trust in God, unfailing. When I had no idea where I was working this summer, I trusted God. When I seriously damaged my car last month, I kept my trust in God (after freaking out for a few days.) When weeks had gone by and I hadn’t heard from not one internship, I kept my faith. And sure enough, God did provide.
I have genuine, amazing new friends and sorority sisters that I can trust and be myself around. I am free of my awful previous living situation. I got my entire last year of school paid off through additional scholarships and grants that I earned this past year. I’ve experienced so much growth and success in my major, and was even selected to be an ambassador for the school of Journalism, PR & New Media and received a departmental award and scholarship. I am set to go to New York in the fall with a PAID internship. I have a perfect job with a well-renown (and ethical) company, complete with kind coworkers who care so much about me and my future, and a boss that I love- and it’s gonna be extremely hard to leave.
God is not a wish machine. God is the reason I no longer need weekly counseling sessions to overcome my anxiety. God is the reason I can work hard without worrying about what’s next, and where I’ll be. God chose to lead me to him now as an adult, and not a moment sooner or later. While I sometimes (well, often) think that I should have known him earlier, I know that the timing was perfect. God is the reason I did not ever give up, but instead pushed myself even harder when it seemed like there was no solution to my problems. When all else failed, I clung to God and trusted him with everything I had. And I actually ended up alright. The more I learned about my savior and the sacrifices he made for me, the more I realized that I shouldn’t worry the way that I do. Every struggle I’ve had and every struggle I will have is all part of a bigger, greater plan, and I don’t have to stress over the smallest details anymore. God will do wonders for you, and the greatest thing we can do in return is be faithful to his word and to love him irrevocably. When you take away the politics (which was never meant to be involved anyways), this is a beautiful, pure religion that I have chosen to convert to- coming from a completely clean slate. And I couldn’t be any prouder of my decision.
It is God who equips me with strength and makes my way perfect – Psalm 18:32